Victoria

 
Title: Food Porn
Rating: R
Pairing: J2, assorted background ships that include het
Characters: Um, everyone ever pretty much. Including pastry chef!Kristen Bell, exasperated ex-wife!Jessica Alba, ultra smooth waiter!Aldis Hodge, and Blake Lively as the Verizon outlet girl.
Word count: ~50,000
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened, etc.
Warnings: Kid!fic, present tense, and bad language like whoa. No, seriously. "Fuck" and its derivatives are used 180 times in those 50K words. Also, there is some explicit het.

Summary: Jensen’s a neurotic sous chef and his roommate Jared’s a disgruntled chef turned blogger turned author who’s just trying to finish his book. Mostly they call each other names, and then they fall in love. And then they call each other names some more.




Notes and thanks: So here yo have my first foray into writing J2. It's taken an INCREDIBLY convoluted path to get posted. It started out as a 1500-word original ficlet for pyrebi (who is nearly always to blame for everything I write) back in October. Then I decided to make it my NaNo, an original buddy comedy with no slash. Then in December I went "fuck it, I'm gonna do it J2 after all" and finished it by the end of Jaunary. I posted it to my journal, filtered for pyrebi to read, and went to find myself a beta. Got a beta. And then about six weeks passed with no word from said beta, despite my emailing her asking if everything was okay. So here it is, mid-March and I'm FINALLY posting.

So huge thanks to pyrebi, looleebelle, and bobbinrob! No, seriously. Thank you!



I'm not a chef myself (nor would I ever want to be!) but I've worked in restaurants my whole life (it's sort of the family business). If I consulted any outside sources besides, like, wikipedia, I've forgotten in the four months it's been since I wrote this. I'm also not from Chicago, so I'm sorry if I've gotten that beautiful, wonderful city all wrong.

I've also put together a glossary of food and industry terms that might not be familiar to everyone. You might want to take a look at that before you read.


ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | EPILOGUE
SOUNDTRACK & GLOSSARY

( don't let it go away, this feeling has got to stay )

EDIT: Wait! Want more? Read Hors d'oeuvres, a timestamp featuring more Ross, more snark, and the answer to that question left unanswered...

ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | EPILOGUE
MASTER POST
SOUNDTRACK & GLOSSARY

Title: Food Porn
Rating: R
Pairing: J2, assorted background ships that include het
Word count: ~50,000
Disclaimer: Not mine, never happened, etc.
Warning: Language like whoa. No, seriously. Fuck and its derivatives are used 180 times in those 50K words. Also, there is some explicit het.

Summary: Jensen’s a neurotic sous chef and his roommate Jared’s a disgruntled chef turned blogger turned author who’s just trying to finish his book. Mostly they call each other names, and then they fall in love. And then they call each other names some more.


ONE | TWO | THREE | FOUR | FIVE | SIX | EPILOGUE
MASTER POSTSOUNDTRACK & GLOSSARY

( Soundtrack! )

( Glossary! )

By the way, the penis game in Waiting? Totally real.